pmsumner

[To be sung to the tune of Bohemian Rhapsody, by Queen - if it isn't obvious]

Is this the real life, is it the methodone?
Stuck in Govan, "two bob fur the telephone?"
Open yer wine an' talk wi' a whine like me.
Um just a weeji, gie us yer Sunny D.
Cos I'll chib yer pal, rip yer Da; slash yer dug, ride yer ma!
Any way the Clyde flows Disnae really mater tae me......tae me.

Haw Maw, just chibbed some cunt,
Buckie bottle tae the heid,
An noo the fuckin' bastard's deid!
Haw Maw, Um just oan parole,
An noo I'm headin straight back tae Bar-L.
Haw Maw, ooh oohooh ooh,
Never meant tae steal yer purse,
But if I'm no fu' o' smack this time the morra'.
Carry oot, carry oot!
An we'll go oot oan the batter!

Too late, the bailiff's here,
Sends shivers doon ma spine,
Gubbed 10 jellies just in time.
Goodbye all ma muckers, I've got tae go,
Got tae go and rip some wank fae up the scheme.
Haw Maw, ooh oohooh ooh
I'm a jakey bam, I sometimes think I've never been washed at all.

I see a little silhouetto of a bam,
Adidas! Adidas! "Can ye get us a kergo?" .
Thunderbird, White Lightning, very very frightning to me!
Twenty Mayfair, Twenty Mayfair, Twenty Mayfair and some skins,
Magnifico oh oh oh oh!
I'm just a fat boy, nae cunt loves me,
He's just a fat boy fae a fat family!
"Spare us a pound fur a wee cup o tea'?"