pmsumner

I've just gotta point out now, that this might not make any sense to me when I re-read it in a day's time...


I've spent the journey home tonight trying to make myself calm down, but no matter what I think I'm still more annoyed than you could possibly imagine. Not only has my personal life been intruded upon in a huge way, I feel that I've been... betrayed ain't right... I can't understand why it's happened this way.

How to describe how it feels? For me, it's quite possibly the worst thing that could happen - I like to think I have a reputation. What that is in reality might vary from how I see it, but I see myself as being an almost-always-friendly, intelligent person who's interested in people - interested in knowing people. I like knowing people, I like getting to know people better. Along those same lines, I don't pry unless I feel I know someone well enough to pry (I wouldn't, for example, ask someone at work how their relationship is going, unless they mentioned it first). I don't slime - I don't drool over people I think are attractive nor make smutty rermarks. Hell, there are days when I might be looking around the room and feel uncomfortable with catching someone's eye for fear of it being taken for something when it was never meant to be. I'm trustworthy, I know secrets about too many people to count that I've not let slip yet. I'm careful about my innuendo - I've learnt by being burnt a number of times that not everyone appreciates it. I am open to criticism, and often rely on others to tell me what's wrong with my way of thinking.

When something comes up, and nobody feels able to discuss it with me, that makes me feel like, it demonstrates to me that everything that I think is untrue - even worse, when I hear this through a "responsible party"... it actually hurts. I don't understand why. Actually, I think that's why it hurts so much - if I could understand it I could empathise and see where they're coming from.

But I can't.



So, whether you read what's above or not, as much as it saddens me to point this out to anyone, I'm going to have to do it. Ensure you read this, as it's important.

This is my journal. This is my thoughts. This is where I write what I wish to share with either the world, or keep to myself. If you don't like what I write (whether this makes you uncomfortable, whether you disagree with what I say, or whether you have issues with me) - I am not forcing you to read this. Remember that point.

I've been seriously tempted to go through my journal today, and set every entry to be friends only, it'd be the easy solution. But I am not going to do that. I've had this journal for a year and a half now, and I've had an online journal since 1998. I am NOT going to change now. Not for anything.